August 5th, 2012

WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE TO TOTALLY WALK AWAY FROM FEAR -

Wow - what an amazing two days - Yesterday for the drive to LBL - We listened to DANI JOHNSON - CONDITIONING FOR SUCCESS.  I finally learned what has been holding me back and making me still fearful and basically not trusting of people, which is really affecting me and keeping me from reaching all my goals in life.

Don't know if I can explain it well, but what I learned was that I have been holding onto my EGO. My Ego from all the hurts that have been placed on me in the past.  How people judged me when I was a child for being POOR, for being FAT, for not being like everyone else, and my not accepting myself for who I was, because I thought that I was not worth it.  My father was constantly pushing me to be better. Nothing was ever really good enough.  He always looked at everything and wanted to know why it wasn't better, which was good in some ways, but in others it made me very untrusting.  So that has taken me to a point in my life where I am so judgemental of people so I think they are being judgemental of me, but what I realized is that because I am judging people this is what I am getting back.  Therefore, I am living in this state of feeling constantly judged, and fearing people and not really liking them.

My Ego because all those hurts from the past is keeping me from even being able to not be afraid of people.  I am afraid of people because of all these hits I have taken in the past.  So this is what I need to do.  I need to forgive all these hurts take them off and hand them over to the past.  They can no longer rule me. 
I no longer going to let my Judgemental attitude, my Fear of people, my hurt from all the people who did not accept me as a child, my hurt from never feeling like I just wasn't quite good enough.  I reject all this stuff.  I am taking it off and laying it down.  It is off me like old dirty clothes that no longer are needed and need to be replaced. 

I am going to finally look at people for who they are not from my eyes.  I will accept them for the wonderful creatures that God loves and die for them.  They need to know how much God loves them.  I need to be the person that stands up for God, like Daniel did even to the point that he was willing to die if that is what the Lord wanted from him. 

So I go out into life with my EGO missing and my love for the Lord being my top priority.  I think this is why I have put all this weight on.  I have been so hurt and so far from the Lord that I was using food to hide from my reality.  My reality was that I was unhappy and trying to use food to replace the spiritual side of my life.  So each day as I dig into the word of God and praise him I developing a new attitude and EGO to face life.  I want Jesus ego.  One that accepts every single person right where they are in all their hurt and frustrations and then help them learn to let go of their EGO's and live in that FREEDOM.

God, I bow my head before you and ask you to take away my EGO and replace it with your Love.  I want my life to be totally used by you.  May I always be looking to you in your word for what you want from each day.  May my fear be your fear and not my judgemental attitude both to people and myself.  Lord, I have been so hard on myself wanting myself to be perfect that I have done so much harm to him I really am.  I am human and you loved me and died for me, so I will never be perfect, but I can be used by you to take your love to everyone around me.  I realize the reason most people are stuck where they are in life is due to their EGO and their hurts.  Someday, I pray that all of them will learn this and be able to walk away from all the hurt and begin living their lives in the freedom of your love and rules.  It is amazing your love and what you will reveal to people when they take the time to read your word.  The Bible is where all the answer in this life are, but sin keeps us from finding those issues.  EGO is the most detrimental thing that Satan can find to actually make us all so screwed up that we are of no use to the Lord or ourselves. Letting go of all the hurts and finding that forgiveness for others and mostly for ourselves is what we all need.  Lord help me take this one truth to everyone around me. HELP me find the best way to do this.

Thank you for letting me learn this truth and I can slowly feel that burden lifting off me and the freedom is coming and Lord I am so excited about what this will mean to me in the future.